So...Tomorrow is the big day.  Im not even nervous.  Im not scared.  Im just ready.  I just keep thinking this time tomorrow I will know what has been going on with my body and will hopefully have hope for the first time in a long time.  I AM READY!!!!!!  I hope everyone has a great Thursday.  Happy Fertility Thoughts!!!!!

Relaxing Day!!!

So Im getting this blog thing going.  :)  I was off work today so I decided to spend the day pampering myself.  Went and got a 60 minute massage followed by a 60 minute facial followed by a quick hair appointment.  It was a good day.  Except for the part where the girl that was blow drying my hair, who is 7 months pregnant, was talking to the girl next to us about how "everybody is pregnant right now around here".  Well....no their not.   Its like it consumes me.  Everywhere I go, there it is.  Its like you go buy a purple Audi because you have never seen a purple Audi and as soon as you get 1 mile down the road you get behind a purple Audi and beside a purple Audi.  But, Other than that I do have to say that I had a great relaxing day.  This evening my husband and I drove around our town looking at homes that we looked at before we bought our house.  I love Real Estate so this was a great end to a great relaxing day.
My husband and I also had "The Talk".  You know the...How long are we going to do this fertility thing?, If we cant have children what will we do that we wouldn't be able to do if we had children?  Where will we live?  We decided we will move to Hawaii or New York City for a few years, and vacation 2-3 times a year in exotic places we have yet to hear of and the hard decision of when will be our stopping point, which is undecided except that we will no longer try after we reach 32.  Of course these things could and probably will change but hey, whatever you gotta do to get you through this emotional, crazy roller coaster of infertility.  Oh, and I am two days away from my Lap!....Im not even nervous.  I am ssssssssoooooooo ready!!!!!!!!  Hope everyone is having as great of a day as I have had.  Happy Fertility Feelings to all!!!!!

More About Me Part 2

Still trying to get you caught up.  My laparoscopy was scheduled for Tuesday January 10.   On January 6 the surgery center called to go over my information.  As I read her the list of medications I was taking she stopped me mid sentence to ask me if I had stopped taking one of the medications I had just mentioned.  When I said no she abruptly said, "well you cant be put under anesthesia unless you have been off that medication for two weeks".  Well I fell apart.  For some reason it tore me up something terrible.  I cried for the rest of the day.  Now my surgery is scheduled for this Thursday January 19.  So all the crying happened that Thursday(Jan 5) and Friday(Jan 6) when I was told that I had to wait two more weeks to have my laparoscopy done.  Saturday(Jan 7) I felt a little better but randomly started my period about 9 days before I was suppose to.  I didn't think that was suppose to happen when you were on the pill.  Its one of two reasons I am on the pill right?  Whatever, par for the coarse.  Saturday(Jan 7) came and went.  Sunday(Jan 8) my husband and I decided he needed new pants.  So me, my early period and my husband head to the mall.  As we are getting into the car my husband says, oh, I have a missed call from my brother (just got married this summer younger 25 year old brother).  My husband calls him back as we are pulling out of the driveway.  I can here him answer the phone.  They exchanged pleasantries and I hear his brother say "(insert wifes name) is pregnant".  My stomach sank, I felt like I was going throw up, pass out, and hyperventilate all at the same time.  As we pull into Starbucks (My husband is addicted to Starbucks), about a mile from my house I was fighting back tears harder then I had every fought back tears before.  So many things were running through my mind.....How could this be, they have only been married for 6 months?  They weren't even trying.  Now Im going to have to be around a baby.  How am I going to deal with this.  Why cant this be me?  How is it that it happens to everyone but me?  Is it because she is more sweet and innocent then me?  And on and on.  By the time my husband gets back into the car I can barely speak.  And I sure don't want him to speak, especially about this new news.  But, he of course does.  I couldn't hold the tears back anymore.  All I could say was something about I didn't want to talk about it and that I need a few days to accept this.  Needless to say I cried and cried as we turned the car around and went back home.  When we got home all I could do was cry and think.......and then the guilt started kicking in.  The truth is I knew that deep down I was happy for them.  But why couldn't I feel the happy.  Sadly, up until now I have been able to distance myself from any friend/acquaintance that had become pregnant.  What will I do this time.  Its my sister-in-law and my brother-in-law.  I can't distance myself.  My head started spinning.  I went back and forth between guilt and self pity.  This went on for two days.  I cried all day Sunday and Monday.  By Wednesday my husband and I had the conversation about how I wasn't ready to deal with it yet.  Now its Sunday(Jan 15), and I still cant talk about it.  Im smart enough to now that this is not going to go away but I cant shake this feeling this time.  I hope this goes away soon because I feel so guilty.

More About Me Part 1

A little bit more about me and my infertility background.  I married my wonderful husband in March of 2008.  In September of 2008 we decided I would get off the pill and start trying to get pregnant.  By September 2009 nothing.  I knew something was wrong.  My whole life my periods were very regular but I alsways had really bad cramps.  Over the year my periods were getting closer (approximately every 18 to 23 days) and I was having terrible terrible immobilizing cramps.  Even worse than usual.  I used ovulation tests and was ovulating 3 days before I would get my period.  Our doctor told us implantation could not happen in that time.  By January 2010 we were knee deep in fertility treatments.  IUI was the course of action.  By May 2010 we had attempted 5 IUI treatments 2 of which were cancelled and 3 of which resulted in no pregnancy.  By the summer of 2010 we decided to take a break.  In October of 2010 we found out we would be moving across the country and my husband would have to go away for work from January to June.   So this meant we had to put everything on hold.  I stayed off the pill during our transition up until 4 months ago.  My periods were so bad that I would be immobile for 2 days every 22-23 days so I just decided it be best to get back on the pill to try and regulate my periods and control the cramping.  Well, that didn't work.  So, we met with our doctor a couple weeks ago and told her about the issues I have been having and to let her know we wanted to jump back in the fertility treatment train.  She decided we needed to do a laparoscopy to determine what is going on since the pill isn't helping the way its suppose to.  This brings us to the present moment.